The Beginning...

I cannot begin to describe how being an insomniac bothers me. Ok, so not a literal insomniac; I do get to sleep at some point or another, but staying up ridiculously late knowing I have tedious work to do the next day is incredibly dull on my part. And yet here I am, sitting in my bed doing absolutely nothing at 5 a.m. I do love my bed, I will without a doubt miss it very much indeed when I leave for college this coming Friday. Good God, those words are so much easier said than comprehended! This time next week, I won't be sitting in my room, on my bed. No, I will be sitting in a college dorm, on some bed that God only knows how many people have slept before me. I will not have had a dinner cooked by my mother that night (as my family usually does on Monday evenings), nor will I no longer have to endure the frustration of my father as he helps my sister with her school work. It is all very sad, but at the same time I am so ready...I know I am. Bittersweet. My mother and father have raised me to the best of their ability. Now it is time for me to test what they have raised me to be in the real world. I cannot describe how excited I am.

It certainly does have it struggles, though. I have been stressing lately, which is nothing compared to the chicken running around with its head cut off I'll be later...but I have been stressing over getting everything together. Getting the right things for my dorm, making sure all the finances are paid, seeing that I can at least have a general idea of where my future classes are, and doing all of this while still trying to maintain a decent life with my friends and family. The one thing that has been uplifting is knowing that I am certainly not the only one having these issues. I know all of my friends are going through the same stuff, even though they may not be stressing about it as I am. Several of my friends have already gone off to school. Luckily for me, the college I will be attending isn't very far at all from where a majority of my friends will be. So that should make saying goodbye easier, right? I have been asking myself that question quite a bit lately. At first I figured that since I would be within about 5 hours of all my friends, goodbye would not be so bad. But now as I have had to say more and more goodbyes, I am only just realizing that it is more difficult. Here is my theory:
As I said before, most of my peers will be within 5 hours of me. Most of them will be only an hour away. I think it is harder to say goodbye when I am going to a school closer to all of my friends as opposed to going on the opposite side of the country (as I will be next year..). My reasoning is pretty simple. When I am only an hour from my friends, it only makes me want to go visit and see them, which I can do some weekends. But I know it will be torture waiting until the weekends to be able to see them, and I won't even be able to go every weekend. Especially if I am absolutely miserable, the temptation to jump in the car and go is greater than ever. But I can't...not with the cost of gas or the price of losing potential study time. The fact that they will be so close, but I won't be able to see them all the time will kill me. Whereas if I was to go to New York or something, I would be so far away the idea of going to visit my friends every weekend would not even cross my mind. So I would not be tormented with the idea of being with them when they're so close. Maybe this little theory does not make sense to other people, but it certainly makes all the sense to me.

It is 5:17...I am not even the least bit tired but I know I should go hop in the shower or do something to try and put myself to sleep. I suppose I should go get a start on that....goodnight, or should I say good morning.

~Ilsa